Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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