There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
