can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
