I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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