Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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