I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
