please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
