Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
