i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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