Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
