i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
