official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
