one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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