how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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