is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
