Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
