farters have to be the big spoon...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
