He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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