I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
