I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
