so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
