Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
