oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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