Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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