It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
