I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
