you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
