You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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