Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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