well you can't waste a boner
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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