So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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