plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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