R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
