i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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