Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fuck appropriateness.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
