I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
