He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
