the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
