A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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