Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
