it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
