? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
