I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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