Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
