I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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