I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My hand turned me down
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
