singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
