let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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