I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
