All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
nutella sex= disaster
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
