ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
