her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
