Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
