this beer tastes like vomit already
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
