yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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