I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
