hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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