if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
