So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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