Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
